The Divine In The Daily

Spiritual Formation 10: CONFESSION

2010-11-06T14:21:00.001-07:00

The confession of evil works is the first beginning of good works.

Augstine of Hippo

This week's reading about Spiritual Formation has to do with Confession. This isn't my favorite topic! This makes me nervous. This makes me nervous because of what's in you, not because of what's in me. I view the believing-community as one that is full of sinners before it's a community of saints. From my perspective, we all have done shameful things. To discover that one person or another has done something awful does not surprise me or catch me off guard very often. I am well aware of the condition of mankind. We are off track, we are deprived, we do horrible things… this is why we need a savior. As a pastor, people have let me into their lives and trusted me with their secrets.

I think confession is amazingly powerful, but it requires so much vulnerability!

I'm not convinced that the majority of Christians can break free from the bonds of hypocrisy. Many people think that others are more spiritual than themselves. People often view themselves as the only ones who aren't living holy lives and continue to struggle with many things. This is especially true as people think of Pastors. It seems that Pastors aren't supposed to have faults, struggles, or sins. They must have it all together or they shouldn't be a pastor. This view of others in the Christian community make it very difficult for many people to confess their own sins and isolation becomes rampant.

But what if we saw our community as one that is full of sinners? Would the power of mutual confession bring healing and victory? One of the reasons that the Celebrate Recovery movement is so powerful is that these people start by identifying themselves as broken and in need. On the other hand, how many people walk into church communicating that they are broken and needy? We put on our best clothes. Even if our spouse has irritated us, we put on our best smile as we shake hands, give hugs and sing happy songs. We view church as a community of saints. I can't tell you how many people that I've met over the years who have actually told me that they don't want to go to church because they aren't "good enough". Even the non-believers get the impression that church-goers are really good people. What part does that lack of confession play into this tragic situation?

I think that Confession is the number one most important spiritual formation discipline for the American church. I think it's more important that going to church on Sundays (gasp!) or praying or reading the bible. I think that mutual confession should lead us to church, to bible reading and to prayer.

At the same time, I'm the Chief Resistor to confession. I can be completely honest with God about all the wretched stuff inside of me. But, I confess, that I'm not so ready to confess to you.

Spiritual Formation 09: Retreat

2010-11-06T13:34:00.001-07:00

Silent Retreat:

Part of the requirements for my Spiritual Formation Class was to take a Spiritual {Silent} Retreat, and then we are to add the event to our Journal.

I went to my "normal" spot near Bass Lake. I hiked up the trails, along the water. I wish that my retreat could have been near the Ocean, but the mountains are too shabby. There isn't a ton to report regarding this event. I began by appreciate the beauty of God's creation. By "appreciate" I mean that I actually told God "Thank You" over and over for many specific things that I saw. I felt that a generalized, catch-all "thank you" would be way too shallow. So, for the birds and the sounds that they made I said, "Wow, thanks". For the Water, I was thankful for its beauty and the sounds that it made, and then I was grateful for its life-giving qualities. I made notes of the things for which I was grateful (I've since lost the notes). I went on and on like this for a long time. I was reminded of several scripture verses about thankfulness – "in everything give thanks" and references that I found in the Psalms. My thankfulness began to turn into praise and worship. Then I began to sing songs. This went on for a long time as I walked and paid close attention to God's creation.

Additionally, I took time to make confessions to God about my own life. I noted this as an interesting chronology; after I spent a great amount of time praising and thanking God, I realized my own smallness in comparison to God. I didn't focus on my smallness as a woe-is-me type of realization. Rather, I felt quite secure in God. My smallness was in stark contrast to God's otherness, and that turned into a focus on my own needs. I was acutely aware that the only real changes in my life could happen because of God. I was very aware of my own powerlessness to forgive my own sin or to save my own soul. I also was quite aware that I wanted God's help concerning difficult things/decisions to be made. I was aware that the best thing for my children would be for me to have God's insight into their lives and their needs. So, I asked God for help and insight and wisdom and strength and so on. The same for my wife – The same for myself.

This was basically my retreat. I enjoyed my time. I didn't feel like I had some earth-shaking revelation, but as I said, I did enjoy the time away fully focused on God, His creation and His works in my life.

Me n Eddie

2010-10-30T00:22:00.001-07:00

Weekly McDonalds stop

2010-10-25T12:02:00.001-07:00

Why couldn't it be a weekly Chipotle stop??

Stupid football!

2010-10-24T17:29:00.001-07:00

Sometime o HATE this sport

My Best Friend

2010-10-19T09:37:00.001-07:00

Trade for Boardwalk and Park Place?

2010-10-18T12:09:00.001-07:00

I'll throw in $2,000 in monopoly money

Spiritual Formation 08: FASTING

2010-10-17T16:57:00.001-07:00

Can I be honest? I really don’t like fasting.

I can’t say that I’ve ever had a good experience fasting. I’m hungry all time, I’m irritable and I’ve never experienced a breakthrough like other people have talked about. Truthfully, I don’t feel like I’m a very good Christian when I start talking like this.

On the other hand, I can see clearly why fasting can be a good discipline for spiritual formation.

Anyway, here are some of my thoughts concerning fasting as I interact with the topic in my Spiritual Formation class. I’m not convinced that fasting is a requirement for Christians. I don’t think that’s it’s commanded in the bible. I don’t think it’s ‘up there’ with The Lord’s Supper or even on par with singing praise-songs. I do think that fasting is good, but not required. I recognize that fasting has long been a benefit to Christians throughout history, but up to this point, I personally have not found fasting to be worth the effort. It’s at this point that all the highly spiritual and disciplined Christians scold me for uttering these words.

I believe the scriptures when they say that mankind doesn’t live on bread alone, but by the words of God. Ultimately, I believe that God, not food, sustains me. In a very real sense I don’t need food more than I need God. So, in this sense my fasting experiences are a sign or a symbol to me and to God that I need God more than I need food. As a matter of fact, I need God MUCH more than I need food. Ultimately, God will sustain me for eternity. At some point in my life food will fail to have any sustaining qualities at all.

I remember that once I had heard a teaching about fasting and this phrase has stuck with me. “While fasting, we aren’t meant to be fasting FROM something, but we are to be fasting TOWARD something”. I pondered this statement and I think that I agree. I think that a fast that is intended to be an experience related to Spiritual Formation should not be reduced to a phrase like, “I’m fasting from red meat, sugar, or alcohol.” I think that a big point to fasting should not be what we are fasting from. I think coming from that angle cheapens/lessens the impact of the fast. The focus shouldn’t be what we are giving up, but on something ahead of us. The focus shouldn’t be on what food we are missing, but it should be about what we are missing! In other words, there’s a very real sense that we are ‘giving something up’ (food), but the focus might be better if it was surrounded by what spiritual need (i.e. confession, repentance or prayer)we’ve given up– what spiritual things have been missing in our lives. So, in that sense, fasting may be best if it’s focused on what we are fasting TOWARD, which should be something vital to our lives that we currently don’t have, but that we desire to have.

This has not been my favorite topic to discuss. Maybe that means I should engage it more?

2010-10-16T16:33:00.001-07:00

Photo op with Taylor L.

He's such a stud

Warm blueberry scone. Gold Coast coffee. Chapter on fasting. Irony.

2010-10-16T14:17:00.001-07:00

Warm blueberry scone. Gold Coast coffee. Chapter on fasting. Irony

Me and Eddie

2010-10-15T22:10:00.001-07:00

He looks so much older these days

Spiritual Formation 06

2010-10-11T12:49:00.001-07:00

WHAT: I am taking a class in Seminary called “Spiritual Formation”. One assignment is to write about a page worth of thoughts that interact with content of each lecture and readings or somehow connect with my own spiritual formation. It’s meant to be more introspective than scholastic.

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I missed class last week, so my Spiritual Formation reflection will be based on our assigned reading - Richard Fosters chapter seven titled "The Discipline of Solitude" (found in his book, Celebration of Discipline). On a side note, I've read this book before (many years ago) and I would not hesitate to recommend it to any/everyone.

On another side note, I bought this book via amazon.com and it was previously owned, aka "used". The book was in incredible condition, no marks, dog ears, or coffee stains, except for chapter seven. The previous owner made several marks in chapter seven, but in no other chapter.

CHAPTER SEVEN – The Discipline of Solitude.

"Settle yourself in solitude and you will come upon Him in yourself."

--- Teresa of Avila

My Interaction with the above statement: (which are the first words in the chapter) is that it's only true for Christians. I think that there is plenty of biblical material concerning God dwelling in believers, but the same is not true for non-believers. The amazing experience of finding God WITHIN is only a benefit (and it's a great benefit!) to true followers of Jesus. Yes, we were all created in God's image, but that's not to say that the Holy Spirit, in a very literal sense, dwells inside an unregenerate person. When you add that with Paul's insistence that we are "in Christ", Christians are unique to all humanity in this way: we are in Christ and Christ in us. It's in this way that solitude can lead to an informed investigation of God's dealing in us and our dealing with God; Spiritual Formation is the result.

I liked how the author differentiated solitude from loneliness. He calls loneliness and "inner emptiness" while he describes solitude as an important factor for inner fulfillment.

The author brings up Dietrich Bonheoffer's, Life Together, to point out his consecutive chapters titled, "The Day Together" and "The Day Alone". This provided a certain amount of motivation and conviction for me as he describes how both Day's are essential for spiritual success. I found this quote from the Bonheoffer to be very profound.

"Let him who cannot be alone beware of community"

"Let him who is not in community beware of being alone"

--- Dietrich Bonheoffer

I think that the person who can't be alone will have a very difficult time addressing the brokenness found in their inner world. The person who can't be in community will probably struggle some sort of self-infatuation. Both extremes will inevitably cause problems for spiritual formation. I have a personal acquaintance with both extremes; I have flirted with both camps over the years. Currently, I'm in a situation where solitude is more prominent than community. I own some responsibility for being in this solitude-heavy situation…

…On the other hand, I have grown to believe that God has brought me to what St. John of the Cross called, A Dark Night of the Soul. Richard Foster devotes some time to this in my reading for the week. If God is indeed part of this Dark Night, then it's to be expected that my life would (for a time) be more focused on Solitude than Community... not to the exclusion of community (I'm not advocating extremes).

To end this journal entry, I want to point out what the previous owner of my book found important enough to mark…

"Therefore, we must seek out the recreating stillness of solitude if we want to be with others meaningfully."

--- Richard Foster

Spiritual Formation 05

2010-10-08T13:26:00.001-07:00

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This week in my Spiritual Formations Class we had an artist come who began the lecture by making this assertion:

While engaging in the creative process for the purpose of Spiritual Formation…

1. We understand ourselves better

2. Hear God better

3. Experience less temptation

We basically spent the rest of the class time interacting with his assertion.

Here are a few of my thoughts:

First, the professor made a very important observation on what is meant by "the creative process". He made a strong case for the inclusion of other things besides art in the term "creative". He suggested that problem solving is an engagement of the creative process. So, anytime we are wrestling with what to do with one of our children's struggles, we are engaged in the creative process. A business man who is implementing new strategies for the company is engaging the creative process.

So, what would happen if we engaged the creative process for the purpose of our own Spiritual Formation?

WE UNDERSTAND OURSELVES BETTER.

I think that this must be true. I consider myself an artist – one of those "creative-types". In the creative process it's not difficult at all to understand how I am involved. For example, if I'm writing a song, it's easy to see what kind of mood I'm in or what themes are resonating with me at the moment. I think that if a person were to make an attempt to understand oneself while in the creative process, it will probably enhance both the quality of the art and the needs or victories of the artist.

WE HEAR GOD BETTER

Imagine writing a song, a poem or a story. Any creative process (done with spiritual formation in mind) could easily lead to "hearing" God. If it's problem solving a touchy issue with your child or your spouse, it's easy to see how God could be heard. Crafting a song or a poem would require contemplation about God, his perspectives or his desires. In song writing I can learn about my current view of God… as a tyrant, as a lover, as magnificent?

EXPERIENCE LESS TEMPTATION

This assertion seemed the most like a "duh" moment. I think that anything that we do for spiritual formation focuses us on God and godly things so that while engaged we experience less temptation.

Overall, I enjoyed this angle on Spiritual Formation. I felt like it validated some of my own creative efforts with writing, photography and music. Even though life is so busy and difficult, I think that I now have some permission to work on my spiritual formation via the creative process without feeling guilty – like I should be doing something "better" with my time other than playing my guitar or taking a photo. Additionally, with the myriad of challenges as a father and a husband, I can take time engaging some of the problem-solving as an exercise in spiritual formation. So, rather than simply trying to fix something or make a good decision, I can engage the entire process as a way to understand ME, hear GOD and experience less temptation.

Spiritual Formation 4

2010-10-07T21:48:00.001-07:00

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This past week in my Spiritual Formations Class, we had a lecture about Lectio Divina (Wiki Article here). After the lecture we were given about 35 minutes to interact with Mark 1:1-13. Read the verse at this link.

This week's Journal entry is a recap of what I did, what I saw and what I prayed.

Part One: Lectio (Reading)

I read the passage through about 20 times. That was a lot of times to read it, but I found that I kept getting distracted in the room with 20+ other students who were doing the same thing. I could hear chairs squeak. I was thinking about all the things that I needed to get done. I had a hard time quieting my inner world enough to engage the scripture (much like my initial Spiritual Formation Assessment when I wrote about my time near the stream). I found that reading it over and over began to help me focus on the scripture.. I noticed that the word "Desert" appeared four times. I also noticed that I've felt like I've been in a desert. The similarity intrigued me, now I was really engaged.

Part Two: Meditatio (Meditate)

I began to chew on the words I was reading. I began to become more and more interested in the meaning behind the words. I noticed things like how Mark considered the beginning of the Gospel of Jesus (Verse 1) was in Isaiah. For Mark the beginning wasn't with genealogies and the Birth Narrative like Matthew and Luke. Nor was the beginning found "in the beginning" like John. Mark saw the beginning in Isaiah who foresaw a forerunner for Jesus who ended up being John The Baptist. I noticed other curious things like how Mark asserts that the "whole" Judean countryside and "all" of Jerusalem. I noticed that The Trinity appears at the baptism; Jesus in the water, God's voice and the Spirit as a dove. I thought was pretty cool until I read something I've never noticed… Apparently it was only Jesus who saw the heaven torn open and only Jesus who heard the voice from heaven. I found that to be a bit disconcerting.

Part Three Oratio (Prayer)

Next, in this discipline, we are meant to pray. It is meant to be a dialogue. It's meant to be deep like a bride and groom. It's meant to be close like a friend to a friend. It's also meant to be a prayer from a servant to God and vise versa. Among other things, I prayed that the Holy Spirit would help me to pray. I found myself praying that God would allow me to be used in a similar sense that John the Baptist was used. I know that he "prepared the way" for the flesh-and-blood Jesus on earth, but I asked if God would use me to help prepare people for Jesus work in their lives and hearts. I asked God to think about allowing the "whole" of Judea and "all" of Jerusalem to come hear what I would have to say about Jesus. I prayed that that would never happen for MY sake, but for God and His Glory.

Part Four Contemplatio (Contemplation)

In this stage we are meant to sit in a wordless time of contemplation. We are meant to simply rest in God's presence. It was at this point that I while I excitedly prayed about being like John The Baptist I realized that I had forgotten that he was beheaded.

Spiritual Formation 3

2010-09-18T17:36:00.001-07:00

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Of the variety of things that we read this week, my mind keeps coming back to two things which I expect will comprise the entirety of this journal entry.

THE FIRST has to do with prayer; I have been reading about prayer from a wide variety of people and time periods. I've always valued prayer as a spontaneous activity. I value that at any time and any place I can talk to God about what I want. I like that I don't have to have the 'perfect' words in order that God will hear me or understand me. I know that God sees my heart and that on a certain level the words that I use don't even matter that much! I love this about God.

A passionate, unplanned, and unrehearsed prayer has always been a very beautiful thing to me. As I think about it, I think I've viewed many of the Psalms to be like this.

I was reading some of the work of Evelyn Underhill and she suggested that we stop and make preparations to pray. She suggests that we craft and plan out our prayers. I've always been very resistant to this. I've never really like reading the prayers of the church fathers or anyone for that matter (unless it was found in the bible). I haven't put much thought into my reasons for the resistance, but I think that somewhere in the back of my mind I've thought that once a prayer has been prayed, it loses a little bit of its potency or something. A prayer that was written down lacked the spontaneous, from-the-heart feel to it. In the same vein, I've never really liked the idea of either writing down my prayers or planning them out in advance, but today I think I may see the value in that sort of thing.

After all, we carefully plan the songs that we write for God, can't we do the same for our prayers? Are songs and prayers really that different?

Underhill suggests that planning out our prayers (not all of them) engage our intellect. It helps us to think about what we want to say, ask or declare in a way that will ultimately enhance the experience. So, I think to engage something new in my spiritual formation, I will spend time thinking through and writing out a prayer. I will take some time to consciously avoid the passionate, unplanned, and unrehearsed prayer in favor of a passionate, intelligent, well-thought out prayer. Additionally, I will write one down.

SECOND: One of our readings was some writings of Soren Kierkegaard. We read a collection of prayers (see above about my previous distaste for written prayers). In one of the prayers he asks God to not be patient in light of his mankind's childish behavior. He went on to talk about gratitude and about how we don't really have adequate words to be genuinely thankful… then he likened us to that of a mistaken child who is only grateful when he gets his own way.

I have a teenage son and I've been thinking a lot lately about his lack of gratitude… which I think is a serious problem for him. He is quick to be grateful for rides here and there. He almost always shows gratitude for food. But I've been thinking about his lack of gratitude for bigger things that people do for him.

In light of my negative assessment of my sons gratitude muscles, the Kiergegaard statement had a sting to my own heart...I read that statement from Kierkegaard as if I am childish in my gratitude. I think that I am that "mistaken child" who is often only grateful when I get my way. In one sense, a person SHOULD be grateful for things that go their way, but my gratitude muscles have failed to acknowledge the source (God) in a meaningful way.

Follow me here: I am very happy that I have a place to live right now. I truly am grateful that I live with my parents and my family isn't out on the streets trying to survive. I am really, really, heart-felt grateful for this!! I have even thanked God for this – multiple times. But I feel like I've not entered a higher level in my gratitude. I have been thankful that I've gotten 'my way' – a place to live. What I haven't been thankful for is that I've gotten God's way. There are deeper layers of gratitude that I haven't tapped into in a long time. I may have thanked God for supplying my needs, but I've stopped short of thanking God for keeping me in HIS plan; for leading me to something that He wants. One level (on which I've been stuck) has me being thankful for what feels comfortable or what keeps me from feeling too awkward, this level of gratitude is based on myself, my personal comforts. On another level, I've not connected with the big picture of God who is getting what He wants, which in turn benefits me much more deeply than personal comforts.

So, I think my son should be thankful that he gets to live at home (the lower level of gratitude), but I also think that He should be thankful that I've saved him from some incredibly serious heartache and pain as he did something that I wanted (the higher level). And it's not just that living at home is what I want in some narcissistic-power-hungry sort of way, but because I absolutely know beyond a shadow of a doubt that following my plan in this situation is the absolute best possible thing for him. So, just as he should be grateful that I 'got' my way in his life; In the same exact way, I should be grateful that God gets his way in my life… and I should not like a mistaken child who is only thankful when he gets his own way.

Spritual Formation - 2

2010-09-10T21:42:00.000-07:00

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One of my assigned readings is from a book called, SACRED TRAVELS by Christian George. The section that I read had to do with the use of Pilgrimage and Rest as a tool for Spiritual Formation. If I’m honest, I got restless, irritable and mildly jealous as I read. Apparently I have Spiritual forming to do! The author said all kinds of wonderful things about the benefits of Pilgrimage. About how a soul can benefit from time away from a normal, hectic, draining existence to rediscover faith, love, and to be in a better frame of mind to respond to what God wants to do deep in a soul. He described his journey to Skellig Michael and the wonderful things that God did for him there. Call me Pathetic Joe, because although I appreciated his story, I was fixated on how impossible a Pilgrimage would be for me now or in the near future. I kept wondering about the practical aspects of time, kids, and finances; how to poor people do a Pilgrimage? Are they reserved for the wealthy?

I was slightly encouraged as the author talked of some thoughts he had as he was ascending the 1,230 feet to Wartburg Castle. I related very well as he wrote,

"I questioned my Christianity... What if I woke up one morning and everything I'd placed my hope in had been proved false? Was I on track with God? Could I feel confident in my salvation?"

Martin Luther once had a “friend” who kidnapped him and brought him, blindfolded, to this Castle. It was here that Martin Luther may have done the most significant work of his life as finished his translation of the Bible so that every German could read it for themselves. But it was also here that Martin Luther fought the Devil. It was here that he dealt with very deep and dark depression. Although, I am no Martin Luther, I am in a pretty dark, depressing place in my life. So, maybe, hopefully, this is part of my Pilgrimage; a free Pilgrimage, because I can’t pay for elaborate trips to Monasteries in Ireland or famous Castles in Germany. This is where I’m at right now, in Fresno. Woot. Woot.

Have you ever heard of “The Dark Night of the Soul”? My assigned readings took me to an excerpt from some great writing by John of the Cross. If you can’t tell from my writings, I am currently in a pretty dark place. I have a bunch of “why?” kind of questions. My Hope is still firmly in Christ, but if I’m honest, He seems really far away right now. The monk known as John of the Cross says that people who follow God will often be taken, by Him, to a deeper, “more advanced” stage in his/her spiritual life. He calls this stage, “The Dark Night”. He suggests that a person will, “lose all the pleasure that they once experienced in their devotional life”. He talks about 7 sins that God will address during this difficult period. One that stuck out to me was Pride: He speaks of it in the sense of “spiritual pride”. The part that stuck out to me was when John talks of how this person should learn humility; they will learn to think very little of themselves or their religious works. Well, that’s me; I just have a hard time spinning it as positively as John. I currently have a pretty small opinion of myself or my abilities as a pastor or a Christian. To summarize the results of this “Dark Night”, he says this,

“…pride becomes humility, greed becomes simplicity, wrath becomes contentment, luxury becomes peace, gluttony becomes moderation, envy becomes joy, and sloth becomes strength.”

Each one of those pairs has become incredibly significant to me. I relate.

In my estimation, my current spiritual formation has me in something very similar to this “Dark Night”. And in my estimation, it will probably get darker before it’s over. But somehow that doesn’t depress me.

Koran burning is stupid. Flood Relief is not stupid.

2010-09-09T13:06:00.000-07:00

|Koran Burning| -99 life.

|Helping flood victims in Pakistan| +99 intelligence.

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Let's say this together, out loud.

BURNING THE KORAN IS STUPID

I'm so grateful for a nation that values freedom of religion. I'm glad that it's not illegal to burn the Koran, but let's be honest, it's not a smart thing to do. So, maybe I should also acknowledge that freedom of religion and freedom of speech leaves room for the freedom to act stupidly.

As much as it's possible, I would like to distance myself from that church in Florida which plans to burn the Koran on September 11, 2010. I am a Christian, but I do not wish to be associated with those people who also call themselves Christians. I fear that there are millions of people in the world who would not be able to separated my Christianity from the Koran-burning-type of Christianity.

But in an attempt to separate myself, I would like to offer up a Koran Burning Alternative (heretofore known as KBA).

My friend Lucinda has created a group and a method to support flood relief in Pakistan. Keep in mind that Pakistan is an Islamic nation. Yes. Send money to this Islamic nation.

In the words of Lucinda:

" We can help individuals regain homes and livelihoods, give food and clean water and prevent the deaths of countless children. How? Simply by giving up what we might spend on Starbucks for the week, or the cost of a movie ticket. "

Testing my Prayers

2010-09-08T19:38:00.000-07:00

i often wonder
how much i could say in a place
like this without sounding
more pathetic than i really am.

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I used to say a prayer that went something like this:

Dear God,

If you never did anything else for me for the rest of my life, I would still serve, love and follow you with all of my heart because of all that you've done for me this far.

I think God is testing me on this.

Spiritual Formation - a Self-Evaluation

2010-08-29T22:05:00.000-07:00

SEMINARY ASSIGNMENT: In addition to weekly reflection papers loosely based on in-class lectures (see previous post), we've also been assigned a 3 page Self Evaluation of our current practices that nurture our relationship with God. The following is my paper. It's meant to be a personal/reflection type paper, very non-academic.

I’m currently in the Sierra Nevada Mountains, as requested by the instructions in the assignment; to spend some time in prayer where it’s quiet. I found a moderately quiet stream to sit near and throw rocks in. As requested, I came here to make a serious assessment of myself. I totally see the benefits of asking God to give me insight into my present condition as it relates to my relationship with Him and spiritual disciplines. In addition to the benefits, I also feel/felt very apprehensive about the task. The apprehension comes from the fact that I am certain that I will get a failing grade. It’s hard enough that I know I will give myself a failing grade, but the thought of sitting quietly before God to listen to Him point out my lack does not sound very appealing. It actually scares me.

Now, I’m sitting at a Starbucks to jot down my thoughts about my prayer time by the streem. I won’t lie. I felt guilty. I clearly have not been doing a consistently good job when it comes any practice that builds my relationship with God. I took some time to beat myself up. I wasn’t very lenient. I told myself that my behavior was unacceptable. My mind played back the scenes of every preacher and wise person who’s told me about the importance of prayer, worship, fasting, scripture reading and so forth. I should have listened to them! I wasn’t very nice to myself. I called myself some bad names. My opinion of me was low. Very low.

What did God think? Well, at first, I was very hesitant to give God any space to talk to me. For quite awhile I half talked down to myself while half talking so that God would hear me. Then I moved into a time where I simply told Him what I thought of my lack of discipline in areas that I know are beneficial to my life and our future. I talked a lot, sometimes out loud, in such a way that I wouldn’t allow any space in my sentences for God to interject or say anything. I talked and talked to God, knowing that if I gave Him any room to speak He would talk down to me and agree with all that I already know to be true. I kept talking about myself until I began to hear myself sound more pathetic than I actually felt. Too much talking about oneself is pathetic.

I’m not, generally, one of those people who wrestle with whether or not he/she does enough to please God. I view myself as one of those people who values relationships over activities/doing/tasks. So, when it comes to a neglected relationship with God, I am very aware when I’ve not lived up to my part of the relationship. Over the last year I’ve really done a poor job of doing the things in life that I know nurture my relationship with God. Truthfully, there have been several times in recent memory when I’ve wondered if God has given up on me, but that may be for a different reflection paper.

Finally, I decided to accept my fate before God and I tried to be quiet enough to listen. After about 4 seconds I started thinking about 20 things that I still had to do once I got home. I realized that I was allowing more noise in my mind and heart that could easily drown out anything that God would want to say and I realized that this has become quite the habit for me lately. I began to realize that I hadn’t been silent in a long time. Oh, I’ve been quiet on the outside, but really noisy on the inside. I realized that I’ve neglected the internal muscles needed to be silent enough before God to actually hear what He might be saying. As I was having this internal conversation with myself I realized that I still wasn’t being silent. Even though I was contemplating something in my life that is good to contemplate, I still hadn’t been silent. That has been a problem for me lately. So, I tried again… and literally 30 seconds later my mind was racing with thoughts of “this” and “that”. So, I tried again. This time I was silent enough to feel like God spoke to me saying, “I like confession”. Whoa! That was something! I quickly began to talk to myself about all that could mean to me. It took me quite awhile to realize how quickly I had stopped listening and how quickly I began to talk to myself about all my ideas about the significance of that statement. I even began to figure out how I might tell this story in a sermon someday. But, I had stopped listening. Listening is vital to a relationship. So, I confessed that I had stopped listening. God likes confession.

My time by the stream came to an end without much further progress. The only other thing that I could settle down enough to hear from God was the idea that repentance should be my next step. And since my understanding of repentance is not something that could be done by the stream, I drove to Starbucks to write this paper. This paper is a confession. What I intend to do after this paper is called repentance. My intent is to change the direction in which I have been headed. It was direction that was away from most of the practices that nurture my relationship with God. I know myself well enough to know that I shouldn’t make any grandiose promises about how I will pray for 3 hours every day after reading the scriptures for 2 hours. I’ve simply set my heart to “do better”. I simply am committed to going a different direction. I’ve not set goals other than that.

I can’t remember the last time that I sat down at the piano or with my guitar simply to sing a song to God. I may do that again. I may pray tonight and try not to do all the talking. The next time I read the scriptures (even if it’s for school), I may try to actually apply it to my life rather than only think of how I could teach it to people someday. I haven’t prayed with my wife in a long time; I should do that. Regardless of what activity I choose, it will be chosen by a person who’s going a new direction. I want my life to be centered around Jesus. The apostle Paul said that he wants to know Christ and the power of His resurrection. Well, me too. I want to know the power of His resurrection, because I have plenty of dead parts that need new life.

Spiritual Formation: 1

2010-08-27T23:10:00.001-07:00

WHAT: I am taking a class in Seminary called "Spiritual Formation". One assignment is to write a page, weekly, about my thoughts that interact with content of the lecture or somehow connect with my own spiritual formation.

HOPES: I think that theology is best formed in community. I think that interaction plays a positive role as people form thoughts about Christianity, God, and our personal goals. Maybe my spiritual formation would be slightly better if there were some sort of feedback, pushback and/or discussion in a place like this?

What is spiritual formation? As I sit here and type I actually wonder if there really is such a thing as spiritual formation. I think I know what people mean when they say that; I think they mean that (as Christians) a primary goal is to change our spiritual parts (whatever those are!) from one thing into a better thing. I think people mean to say that spiritual formation is the process of transformation from an old (lesser) way of ordering our lives into a more holy way of living.

My current critique of the phrase, "spiritual formation" has to do with wondering whether or not we can actually separate our "spiritual" lives from the rest of our lives in order to form (or transform) it into something new/better. So, dealing with semantics first, I'd say that "spiritual" formation is a misnomer. I don't think that the New Testament or the Old Testament ever present us with the option to work on our "spiritual" lives as if it could be separated from the rest of us. I can't recall any concepts in the bible that come close to "spiritual formation" I think the bible is always interested in a persons "formation", period.

Even if a person could separate the spiritual from the rest of life it would still beg the question, "why?" Why would we want to grow spiritually, but not intellectually, emotionally or theologically?

It's my current opinion that anytime I become better at something, my entire holistic self benefits. If I become a better writer, I become better as a whole person. If I learn theological truths, my whole person is enriched. If my guitar skills improve, my whole self improves. I may wear different hats, but I'm only one person. I am unsure that there is much wisdom in trying to compartmentalize ourselves into our "spiritual" lives, into our "family lives", "secular lives", or any other life.

I would like to change the name of my class to, "Formation". Or maybe I'd rather "Godly Formation", or "Christian Formation".

But, one thing that I'm certain of: I need to be transformed. I want to be transformed. I want to be made into something better. I want my normal responses to life-situations to become more Christ-like than they are now.

My View of the Nature of The Bible

2009-08-30T12:40:00.000-07:00

I am considering a return to the blog-o-sphere.

Without much explanation as to why I am posting this particular piece of work, You should know that the following is a paper that I've written for one of my seminary classes. The Teacher, Dr. Shera Melick asked us to write a paper describing our view of the nature of the bible. We were to incorporate 4 things that were discussed in our readings and in our lecture: Revelation, Inspiration, Inerrancy, Authority

As teachers of the Bible, a solid understanding of the Nature of the Bible is critical. I have certainly formed some views on the matter which I will summarize, but I find it important to admit that I have questions and I am still learning about many details that lead me to believe what I believe. In other words, my view of the bible’s nature includes an admission that God can be mysterious, I don’t know everything and that faith is important.

As I try to communicate the God of the bible to those around me, I can point out glimpses of God’s work in the world around us. With broad strokes, God has always revealed himself in creation. From miniscule strands of DNA to the mind-boggling expanse of the Universe, humanity can be certain that there is an intelligent, powerful God responsible. Romans chapter 1 speaks of this. The same chapter also indicates that humanity has been given sufficient knowledge of right and wrong, good and bad which also leads us to a general revelation of God.

Beyond making Himself known with broad-stroked, generalities, God always seeks to communicate to mankind with specific revelations. Miracles, for example, have always served God’s purpose to reveal Himself to specific people at specific points in history. Although there is value in the retelling of miracles, the value is limited in the sense that I, personally, am impacted less than the specific people involved in the miracle.

God has also chosen to specially reveal himself to mankind through the Bible. I’m convinced that God has inspired the authors of scripture to pass on their stories, songs, poems, accounts, and responses to form an authoritative collection by which we can base our lives. Found within these inspired narratives, I discover the most amazing specific revelation of God Himself – Jesus Christ. In Jesus I discover humanity’s road to God Himself. Jesus is so incredibly important to mankind, that without him, we are doomed to eternity spent apart from God.

As I wrestle with defining my view of the bible’s nature, I tend to lean more towards a narrative view of the bible versus a systematic view. Although universal truths can be systematically pulled out of these stories, the scriptures are nonetheless a narrative from which we derive our theology. My view of the bible isn’t one that asserts there are lists and bullet points that neatly describe the correct orthodoxy and orthopraxy.

Furthermore, as I learn about God’s general and specific revelations of Himself, I discover that none of these revelations are contradictory. Throughout thousands of years, revelations of God always compliment and build upon each other to help us form a more complete understanding of God’s nature.

Throughout my years as a believer and bible teacher, I’ve come to a firm belief that God has inspired the scriptures; therefore I can certainly conclude that the Bible is not flawed.

The Bible has a fascinating unchanging nature. For thousands of years, the Bible is what it is. It doesn’t change, but we can allow it to change us.

My faith in God and his mysterious breath of inspiration found in the scriptures gives me confidence that I can partner with God in His plan to save, repair and restore humanity.

subject line

2009-08-27T08:55:00.000-07:00

This is a test blog, sent from my phone

2009-08-27T08:40:00.001-07:00

This is a test blog, sent from my phone

Eddie Broke His Arm

2008-11-21T16:27:00.000-08:00

Short Story: Eddie fell off a slide the other day. Fractured his wrist. It should heal quickly with no complications.

Come over and sign his cast!

My Kids on Halloween

2008-11-15T10:41:00.000-08:00

Eddie was Batman and Hope was Wonder Woman.

I love my Mom

2008-09-24T16:26:00.001-07:00

i love my wife

2008-09-17T10:12:00.001-07:00

Welcome to the World

2008-08-28T08:37:00.000-07:00

My Brother had a baby! Ok, his wife did all the work, but you know what I mean.

William Michael

born 8/26/08.

8lbs 11oz

21 inches long

Busy Life

2008-08-25T14:38:00.001-07:00

Yesterday Josh turned 17 years old! I'm such a bad dad/uncle/photographer - i didn't take one single photograph! (I also worked 2 shifts yesterday).

Today, Hope went to her first day as a 2nd grader.

Today, Eddie went to his first day at preschool.

Photos below.

Tomorrow my brother is having his first baby (ok, his wife is, give me a break).

Life is fun and busy!

My Sister Came To Visit

2008-07-31T23:42:00.001-07:00

My sister Elise came for a short visit. I loved it! I miss her already.

I just love the way her kids and mine interact and play with one another. Here's a couple pics (my camera was in my hand the whole visit!) of the cousins hanging out.

Clouds and Manna

2008-07-26T10:26:00.001-07:00

Life has been really odd (and stressful and confusing and painful and so on) since we closed the doors to Axis.

Since we stepped away from ministry, we've asked the question, "What now?" over and over and over.

I've sent out close to 30 resume's for ministry positions in town and across the state... no takers. What Now?

I've applied at 15-20 restaurants for a server position. I got one job (part-time lunches) only to have the restaurant totally shut down 6 days later.

I now have a part-time job at the same restaurant that my wife works at (that's an interesting dynamic). But still it's part-time and mostly lunches (obviously there's more money to be made at dinner).

We contemplated moving out of town, but we can't come up with a good enough reason. Side note: Hawaii comes up most often as a viable location to move.

One a personal prayer retreat that I took in April, I felt like God was talking to me about clouds. I was reading in Exodus where the Hebrews wouldn't pick up and move until the cloud moved. If you remember the story, it was a cloud by day and fire by night. When the cloud moved, the Hebrews moved. When the cloud stayed, the Hebrews stayed.

I really felt like God was speaking to me about not going anywhere... until the 'cloud' moved. It was a caution for me not to get too wrapped up in my own 'good ideas' but to sit back and wait to see what direction God would take me.

So, we've stayed in Fresno. We have part-time jobs waiting tables. We're not going anywhere until the cloud moves. No matter how green the grass looks somewhere else (like Hawaii), God has asked us to camp in Fresno for the time being. I'm learning to be OK with that.

Part-time jobs mean part-time sized paychecks. It's simply a miracle how we've paid our bills since we've let go of Axis. A miracle, I tell you.

At the beginning of every month, Sarah and I sit down and look at the finances. We budget for every conceivable expenditure. Every month since March, we've faced a significant shortfall. Some months look like we'll be behind $500 and some months have looks as grim as $1,000. But God does a miracle every single month.

We got money back from the IRS. We got the "Stimulus" check. People have given us random 'free' money. Someone even paid our rent one month! I got the opportunity to shoot footage and be an actor in a short film (I still can't believe I got paid!!!) I've gotten a couple of photography jobs. Currently I'm developing a website and making a video for a construction company in town.

My point is that God has supplied just enough money for all of our needs.

On my prayer retreat in April I was reading about the Manna that God provided to the Hebrews. God would supply just enough food for each day. The Hebrews weren't allowed to hoard. They weren't allowed to stress about next weeks meal. They simply had to accept God's provision each day. Each day, His provision was new.

God is supplying for my family every single day. Each day His mercy is new for us. Each month we are looking forward to see how God will take care of us... because this month looks like we'll be $800 in the hole.

Since the close of our church we're constantly asking God, "What's next?". Currently our answer is "Clouds and Manna". We're watching for the Cloud to move and we're picking up our manna everyday.

Daily, I am finding God's divine imprint in my life. I hope you can see God's work in your life everyday.

Fresno Wedding Photographer

2008-07-12T21:33:00.001-07:00

Guess How Many

2008-07-09T15:47:00.001-07:00

Initially, I took this photo (see below) for a magazine called "Asian Restaurant News" (the issue will be out in August).

I uploaded it to my Flickr account.

Yahoo.com Mexico picked up the photo from my flickr account and used in on their front page.

Guess how many people viewed this photo yesterday. Seriously, throw out a guess.

Now ask me how much money I've received for the use of this photo. Answer: nada.

One of my Favorites

2008-07-06T16:46:00.001-07:00

Yet Another One

2008-06-30T21:35:00.001-07:00

Here's the latest "we don't want you letter".

Hi Joe,
Thank you for your willingness to correspond with us regarding the position of Worship & Youth pastor. We have received information from a number of qualified, committed persons and have sought to consider each one prayerfully.
At this time God has led us in another direction. We trust that God will continue to lead you as you seek to serve Him.
In Christ,

I am beginning to wonder if God wants to me to be in vocational ministry at this time.

Directions

2008-06-29T22:38:00.001-07:00

Stay,
slow down
or go?

Sometimes it's hard
to know what
to do.

I am in a Short Film

2008-06-28T09:37:00.001-07:00

My friend Daniel Rhoten has written, directed and produced (and edited and filmed and so on....) a short film for the fine folks at the SBC.

I was privileged to get an opportunity to act and shoot some of the footage. Below is a promo for the film. The music is by Paul Haugen.

I play a church planter struggling financially and emotionally... it's ironic type-casting.

Bright Hope for Dark Days CMO Trailer from Daniel Rhoten on Vimeo.

My Son's Birthday Party

2008-06-24T20:47:00.001-07:00

Just thought I'd share a few of my favorite shots from my son's birthday party this last weekend.

I can't believe he's growing up so fast!

View a slideshow (with additional photos here)

Where is Matt?

2008-06-23T13:08:00.001-07:00

I saw this over at Longbrake's site. I loved it! So much joy!

I don't like to dance (AT ALL!), yet somehow it was hard to sit still.

Where the Hell is Matt? (2008) from Matthew Harding on Vimeo.

Another One

2008-06-23T12:54:00.000-07:00

Dear Applicant

Thank you so much for your interest in the position of worship pastor. We received an overwhelming number of applications and have filled the position.

We pray that you will find what you are looking for and that God will continue to bless you in your future endeavors.

Sincerely,

Four Years and Growing

2008-06-22T14:28:00.001-07:00

Tomorrow my youngest turns four. I love him deeply.

Restaurant Photoshoot - Helen's Chinese Gourmet

2008-06-18T19:46:00.001-07:00

Below are a few shots from today's photo shoot for a magazine called, "Asian Restaurant News". I took these at Helen's Gourmet Chinese Food in N. Fresno. Apparently, the magazine is going to feature them on the front cover. That means if my photos are good enough, I will have a photo on the front cover of a national magazine! That would be pretty cool.

Anyway, Helen was an amazingly nice lady! She sent us (Josh helped me) home with a bunch of food that I shot, which was helpful because Sarah hadn't been able to prepare dinner. The food was GOOD! They've been in business for 13 years, so I think the restaurant is doing something right. If you stop in for lunch or dinner, tell Helen that Joe says, "Hi".

Asian Restaurant News

2008-06-17T08:47:00.001-07:00

I just got a gig shooting "Helen's Gourmet Chinese Food" for national publication titled, "Asian Restaurant News". Thank you Craigslist. You rock.

In the next few days, I'll go shoot the Interior, Exterior, the Owner(s), and some signature dishes. This should be fun, partly because I've never done a shoot quite like this before. I will get paid, and I will add a national publication to my portfolio.

I'll be sure to post some of the photos.

They Keep Coming

2008-06-14T09:18:00.001-07:00

Dear Pastor Joe:

Thanks for writing to us. I am sorry but we
had sent an email letting you know that at this point in time you are
not among the finalists being considered for the position. I apologize
that it has taken this long to get back to you -- the response of
sorting through over two hundred resumes has been a little daunting.

Please know we wish you all the best and will pray for you that the Lord will lead you to just the right place to minister.

In Him,

What Eddie Said

2008-06-13T10:45:00.001-07:00

After a huge sigh, Eddie said, "Why does gravity have to keep pulling me down? I want to fly!"

Eddie is 3 years old.

Putting Myself Out There

2008-06-05T21:32:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I hung that final two (out of 6) framed art on the walls of local Florist.

Taking my work to the public is a brand new thing for me, so I'm a bit nervous, I'm excited and I'm cautious. I'm nervous to have other people seeing some of my work and talking about it while I'm not around. I'm excited to have other people seeing some of my work and talking about it while I'm not around and I'm cautious - trying to not to get my hopes up too high.

What AM I hoping for? I'm hoping for sales! I'm hoping for a few phone calls for some custom work!

If you are local, I want to invite you to come down to PETAL. Dana (the owner) is really nice. The flowers are high quality. The store is really simple, quaint and has great art on the walls. You will find a map and an address below.

Here are the 6 pieces that I hung.

PETAL (Corner of Willow and Nees) - Click HERE for a map.
1215 N. Willow Ave #140
Clovis, Ca

Now I'm working on hanging some art on the walls of Cinnamonster!

Uncontacted Tribes. Evangelism or Not?

2008-05-31T11:38:00.001-07:00

Those in-the-know tell us that there are approximately 100 tribes world-wide that have never been contacted by 'civilized' humans.

These images where released on May 29, 2008 by Survival International. They show uncontacted Indians on the Brazil-Peru border who may have never had contact with the outside world. You can read an ABC news report here and view more pictures. (I don't exactly have permission to use these photos, so I just snagged the thumbnails).

Anthropologist say that they "had" to take these photos in order to prove that these tribes existed. They have no intention of contacting these tribes except in the case of a last-minute effort to save their lives or habitat. Apparently oil and logging companies are trying to exploit this land and have denied the existence of these tribes in order to justify enormous profits.

According to one report, out of the thousands of Amazonian tribes in the last 500 years, none have adapted well to society in Brazil! Zero. Nada.

Another report told me that typically half to two-thirds of a newly "discovered" tribe will die of disease within 3-5 years. These people will often die of the common cold because they lack an immunity to it.

With such grim realities that face these particular tribes if we contact them (or any other tribe), what do you think about telling them about Jesus? What about "...go into all the world and preach the gospel..."?

Do you think that we should send missionaries there? I don't necessarily mean white/American missionaries (currently Brazil sends more missionaries than America). What if missionary contact brought death via disease along with the gospel? (this is more common than you might think).

How important is it that these people hear the good news of Jesus Christ? After all, I've heard it said that no person can come to Father God except through Jesus.

Memorial Day - A Dead Youth Pastor

2008-05-26T08:51:00.000-07:00

Today is our day to remember the men and women who have died while in military service to our country.

In addition to that, I wanted to take a moment to remember and recognize those who have died in service to the Kingdom of God.

In 2007 42-year-old pastor Bae Hyung-kyu was murdered by the Taliban while leading volunteers in humanitarian aid in Afghanistan. The Taliban claimed responsibility for the death of the South Korean youth pastor and he was found with 10 bullets in his head.

Read the whole story here.

Kids These Days

2008-05-24T16:47:00.001-07:00

This photo depicts what my front yard looked like on Wednesday morning.

Apparently one of Josh's "Friend(s)" thought they'd T.P. our house in the middle of the night.

I think they did a terrible job. This kid (or kids) seemed to lack the motivation to do a good job. What's up with kids these days? Don't they take pride in their work?

Another Rejection Letter

2008-05-22T18:26:00.000-07:00

Dear Joe,

Thank you for the time and energy you have invested in pursuing the Student Ministries position at our church. We’ve had a large response to the position, and we’ve narrowed it down to one candidate who seems, for a variety of reasons, to be the best fit for our church culture and this particular role. We’ve decided that this role would not be the best place for you from our perspective.

I pray that you will find the right ministry match where you’ll be able to joyfully serve God and His church.

Gratefully,

Sympathies to Steven Curtis Champmans Family

2008-05-22T09:53:00.000-07:00

I read an article late last night (Wednesday) that recounted the death of Steven Curtis Chapman's daughter. Apparently she was accidentally struck by a car that was driven by her older teenage brother. Several family members witnessed the tragedy.

I am very sad, as a father of 3 I can't imagine the pain and anguish. I've prayed for the family and I intend to continue doing so.

Read the article here.

Job Hunting in a recession

2008-05-21T08:31:00.000-07:00

As a pastor who's looking for a job (ok, it's MORE than just a job, but you know what I mean) I've come to the conclusion that this 'recession' is hitting churches hard. Many churches who were looking for staff are no longer looking and have put a freeze on hiring. I've ran into this many times in Fresno as well as out of town.

In the mean time, I (finally) found a job waiting tables at lunch at a nice restaurant. I worked a total of 6 days and they shut the doors because there's not enough business. So, I started looking again for a job and found another restaurant that is letting me serve tables at lunch.

Serving food at lunch time isn't enough money to support a family of 5.

I'm trusting God to supply for my family. He has been faithful to us so far! We have been able to pay all of our bills since we closed the doors to Axis Community Church! All kudos to God for that!

Going Green?

2008-05-19T11:13:00.001-07:00

I have been toying with the idea of riding my bike to work, but then I did the math and now I'm wondering if it's worth it.

I work 3.6 miles from my house at GiGi's Italian restaurant on Friant and Fort Washington. I work 4 days per week.

In order for me to save ONE take of gas by riding my bike to work, I would have to ride my bike for 10 (ten) weeks! One tank of gas cost me about $33.

Um, I'm not sure it's worth it.

Thank God for Hondas.

Maternity

2008-05-17T14:37:00.001-07:00

I thought I'd experiment with some Maternity photos. So, I grabbed my sister in-law and my brother and snapped a few shots.

I actually learned quite a few things while experimenting with this niche of photography. For example wait until the woman is REALLY pregnant... don't shoot too early. Her belly wasn't nearly big enough.

I'm also learning about making the client feel very comfortable so that they are relaxed. Jokes and patience are mandatory, I think.

Here's a few shots from my experiment.

[Caption]

[Caption]

Recent Tweets...

2008-05-17T10:32:00.000-07:00

Answering the question, "What are you doing right now?"

14:18 terrible air quality today. really, it's terrible. #
05:56 bye bye spring. hello triple digits. #

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2008-05-16T10:31:00.001-07:00

Answering the question, "What are you doing right now?"

16:07 @drho do fish swim? You bet I am! #
16:09 6 days with a job, then they closed the restaurant. two days later and I'm waiting tables at GiGi's Tues - Frid. Lunches. #
16:13 @micahfoster ikea shelves? can u post a pic? #
16:46 @micahfoster nice. let me know how much you are asking. no promises. i'm moderately interested. #
20:12 @ohwhitty i love miracles... tell me more #

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2008-05-15T10:35:00.000-07:00

Answering the question, "What are you doing right now?"

09:29 Sarah is working a double today, so job search is on hold while I play Mr. Mom. #

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2008-05-14T10:33:00.000-07:00

Answering the question, "What are you doing right now?"

18:39 going to watch Idol now. #

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2008-05-13T10:31:00.001-07:00

Answering the question, "What are you doing right now?"

07:32 I just found a hot dog bun under my sons bed. #
15:28 I just lost my job. #
15:54 @lukemundy at Rhema - they are closing the restaurant #
15:55 i just lost my job. they are closing the restaurant. #

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2008-05-11T10:28:00.001-07:00

Answering the question, "What are you doing right now?"

15:46 At Mickey D's with the kiddos. Ronald apparently digs Speed Racer. #

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2008-05-10T10:29:00.000-07:00

Answering the question, "What are you doing right now?"

15:04 going to Vintage Coffee House at 9pm to hear Daniel (Drho) and Brad play muzack. #

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2008-05-09T10:31:00.001-07:00

Answering the question, "What are you doing right now?"

12:37 for those that have asked: I found part-time work as a server. looking for more work to feed the family of 5. don't want to leave fresno #
15:50 The travelin' worship leader strikes again. Off to Madera for worship practice. #

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2008-05-07T10:32:00.001-07:00

Answering the question, "What are you doing right now?"

12:39 @lukemundy can i ask what/where you are interviewing? #
16:59 @drho Salinas Valley Community Church. Know it? #
17:16 i love google's street view...although it is a tad disturbing at the same time. #
04:56 @ohwhitty this is me patting your back and telling you to hang in there. Your discouragement will pass. #

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2008-05-06T10:32:00.001-07:00

Answering the question, "What are you doing right now?"

09:57 Me and the little man (eddie) are hanging out together... Shopping, the gym, and inventing imaginary characters. #
13:35 @lukemundy where r u interviewing. #
15:10 Unusually tired. #
17:27 i thought today was tuesday and i was looking forward to American Idol. How dorky is that? #

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2008-05-05T10:32:00.001-07:00

Answering the question, "What are you doing right now?"

13:41 @thelongbrake how do you read hackeysack-ers? #

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2008-05-04T10:26:00.001-07:00

Answering the question, "What are you doing right now?"

04:58 i am not the traveling worship leader this morning - will visit either University Vineyard or New Harvest Church this morning. #
05:20 @aronstrong i've had that dream, too. it's scaarrry. #

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2008-05-03T10:29:00.001-07:00

Answering the question, "What are you doing right now?"

08:12 Got a job serving lunch 3 days per week at Rhema Dining... Cedar and Shepherd. I start now. #
12:01 @lukemundy $5.00 lunch menu, dude! I just committed to be there Tues through Fri. Closed Sun and Mon. #
12:02 @aronstrong across from "Strings" in the Big Five/Osh corner of Cedar and Shepherd. I'll be there Tues - Friday's. $5.00 lunch menu. #
15:51 the weather is sooooo nice! hanging outside with the kiddos. #
05:38 Garage sale. My house. Now. #

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2008-05-02T10:31:00.001-07:00

Answering the question, "What are you doing right now?"

05:58 Anybody read Dan Kimballs PC vs. Mac Blog? It's classic. tinyurl.com/6qrouv #

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2008-05-01T10:32:00.001-07:00

Answering the question, "What are you doing right now?"

15:57 After 4 days of work, they finally told me that they'd pay me $8 per hour. That was ridiculously hard work for $8 per hour. So, I quit. #
15:59 @micahfoster thanks for the prayers! Much needed and appreciated. Oh and I blogged again www.divineinthedaily.blogspot.com. #
19:20 @ohwhitty those lyrics are quite different that the ones posted on myspace.... :) (i hope you don't think that's Judgmental - it's not) #

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My Journey: Part TWO of Part ONE

2008-04-30T13:09:00.001-07:00

My last blog produced some of the most vulnerable discussion that I've ever been involved in while blogging. My E-mail box was flooded with responses that (rightly so) weren't exactly appropriate for a "comment". I'm still sorting through them.

The discussion sparked some additional thoughts that I'd like to share before I post my next blog in "My Journey".

The Setup:

As I mentioned in my last blog, I had some good friends who left Axis because I did something that was hurtful to them.

Bare with me as I try to be extra clear:
1. What I "did" to them was not immoral, sinful or otherwise devious. But I DID hurt them.
2. Both parties agree that what I did was inadvertent.
3. Once my offense was explained to me, I was immediately understanding and apologetic.
4. They immediately left their church responsibilities and never returned to Axis.
5. The friendship is over.
6. Personally speaking, I expect that authentic relationships will involve being getting hurt by other people. I endeavor in friendships even when I'm hurt by them because that's what I would want from them.
7. I feel like there was no grace from them and that they expected their pastor to be perfect.

I think it's situations like this that pave the way for pastors to abuse their wives, get addicted to porn, have affairs or leave their God-given calling altogether out of heart-break.

Ultimately, the situation that I described in my last blog (and summarized above) isn't about, "poor Joe" or simply feeling sorry for myself. Ultimately, it's the pressure for perfection that hurts me deepest. Also, I see the damage this does to pastors world-wide.

Let Me Explain What I Mean:
I've known countless people who have left their churches because the pastor said, "fill in the blank". If it's not something they said, then it was something that they did. I think there are literally thousands of people who will go to a different church next week because a pastor "said" or "did" something that wasn't good.

I'm not talking about the pastor saying or doing something sinful, immoral, or devious. Simply that he did something that wasn't good, great, or beneficial.

I think that things like this begin to mold a pastor into someone he never thought he'd become. I think that the majority of pastors learn quickly to be VERY concerned about who they allow to know the REAL person that they are. Pastors become guarded very quickly. Pastors learn that there are very significant consequences to the "church" when they are anything less than perfect. This pressure is enormous.

When pastors become guarded, then they isolate themselves. Isolated people always develop any one of a hundred different problems. Isolated people don't deal with the real issues that life brings our way. Isolated people are lonely people. Lonely people do desperate things.

Anger can't be dealt with in isolation and often turns into bitterness or rage. I once knew a youth pastor who went to jail (and lost his job) because he attacked his wife with a baseball bat. They both, obviously, once had manageable problems that turned into some something destructive. Most pastors won't admit when they are having marriage problems.

Why don't most pastors admit that they are having marriage problems? I think the number one reason is an unwritten expectation that they must "have it all together". I do not think that pastors put this unwritten expectation on themselves. I think you/we put that expectation on them.

I knew a pastor that had an affair.

I've heard that 20% of pastors are addicted to pornography.

I remember hearing that over 80% of pastors say that they have few or no "close personal friends". After my brief try at being a senior pastor, I can understand why. They leave you over the stupidest things.

To Reiterate:
The point of my last blog was about hearing God tell me that I can't control what other people do or don't do. I can only control my own actions and reactions. God isn't promising me a life void of close-personal upheaval.

I must fight to stay vulnerable. I must and I mean MUST resist the need to pretend. (although I do think people need to be appropriate - being honest/vulnerable doesn't mean people have a license to air dirty laundry in inappropriate places or times).

My fear is that I will never find a church that agrees with me or would want me to be their pastor.

Here's What I Think:
1. I think that you should become committed to what God is doing in your church. I don't think that your commitment should be to the pastor of your church.

2. Expect your pastor(s) to screw up.

3. If a pastor appears to be perfect, he's far from it... there's a real person in there somewhere who longs to be vulnerable... accepted just as he/she is.

4. Don't commit to your church out of some "consumer" mentality. Church isn't a PLACE. Church isn't as much a place for you to get something as much as it is a place for you participate. Don't go to church and rate the sermon, worship, and activities. When you go, participate in the sermon, worship, and activities. Do you show up, sit, stand, sing, sit stand, watch, pick up your kids and go home? That sounds lame if that's all it is. Participation might be what you're challenged to do.

5. It's hard to be overly critical of your church or your pastor if you view church as YOU. As US. If church is viewed as US rather than a place we go, then any criticism is easier to lace with love and gentleness because you're talking about yourself... about the body of Christ... about the Bride for which He's coming back.

The next blog is written and will be coming soon, "Clouds and Manna".

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2008-04-29T10:34:00.001-07:00

Answering the question, "What are you doing right now?"

14:03 At barnes and noble. Brushing up on web design... Bidding a job on friday. #

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2008-04-26T10:31:00.001-07:00

Answering the question, "What are you doing right now?"

06:08 On our way to Eddie's T-Ball game. My brother is in town today. #

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2008-04-25T10:33:00.001-07:00

Answering the question, "What are you doing right now?"

05:41 looking for work in town. sending out resumes out of town. #

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2008-04-24T10:33:00.000-07:00

Answering the question, "What are you doing right now?"

14:05 Standing in long line at post ofice. So tired and sore! Trying to remain grateful for the work. #

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2008-04-23T10:38:00.001-07:00

Answering the question, "What are you doing right now?"

09:21 So sore! I am demolishing a building today for part time work.... I'm too old for this... Or too out of shape. #
14:19 so sore that I can hardly move. 8 hours of tearing down a building has really kicked my butt. more of the same tomorrow. #
03:51 Praying for strength for another day of hard labor at low pay. #

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2008-04-22T10:32:00.000-07:00

Answering the question, "What are you doing right now?"

08:34 I love mondays. Sarahs goes to work and it's just me and Eddie. We're off to empty our storage unit. #
13:27 At Home Depot buying work gloves... Gonna tear down a building in the morning.... Hey, they're gonna pay me. #

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blagging on the interwob

2008-04-21T11:09:00.001-07:00

Saw this on a friends blog. I felt the need to re-post.

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2008-04-21T10:33:00.001-07:00

Answering the question, "What are you doing right now?"

15:36 Just finished up giving piano lesson... This 5 year old is quite talented. #
05:32 drinking coffee. answering the tons of responses to my latest blog. and responding to questions from out-of-town churches. #

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2008-04-20T10:28:00.001-07:00

Answering the question, "What are you doing right now?"

19:36 I blogged. it's been awhile. it's not pretty. divineinthedaily.blogspot.com/ #
04:46 guitar's loaded in the car... i'm off to lead worship in madera. #

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My Journey Part ONE

2008-04-19T21:45:00.000-07:00

Since the agonizing death of *Axis, I've been on a slow journey to wrestle with and understand several things.

In order to speed up the process, I recently took a trip to Chico,CA for some concentrated "away-time" in order to pray alot and listen for God's voice with fewer distractions.

Welcome to Part One of my journey!

If you're still interested, I'd advise you to grab your favorite beverage and get comfortable, because I may ignore the unwritten "keep it brief" rule for blogging. This is my Web-Log of my recent physical and spiritual journey. I'm hopeful that this will be part therapy and partly helpful to those who may take the time to read beyond the words to discover something significant for themselves.

Prologue:
Once in Chico, I turned right on Richardson Springs Road and headed down the 4 mile, bumpy, winding road creatively dubbed, "The Springs Road". It felt like I was coming home.

At the end of the road stood "The Hotel"(built in the 1920's). On this property I spent 4 years of my life mainly organizing missions trips for teenagers around the world. I met my wife here. It felt like I was coming home.

I checked into a Letter Cabin, "K" and I was certain that God would meet me here... that He'd hear my prayers and I would have the luxury of listening without the normal distractions.

PART ONE:
WRESTLING WITH SIGNIFICANT RELATIONSHIPS:

Among the many subjects to discuss with God was the subject of certain close personal relationships.

The background: While building Axis, we were determined to live out the mantra, "Come As You Are". We all talked about it at length - especially at the beginning. We knew that each of us would be tested in this area sooner or later. Together, we talked about True and Real community. The kind of community that would become vulnerable and transparent with each other. We all wanted a place that we could "loose the need to pretend". We understood that this kind of community would inevitably become "messy" as people began to be free(er) to show their true colors, confess their sins, or their struggles or pain. We didn't have to be rocket scientists to know that people aren't perfect and that at some point one of us would do something that hurt someone else, yet we were determined to take our chances. We were determined to let grace be our response.

If we could respond with God's grace toward one another, then we figured people would be more likely to "Come As You Are". We joked about having a slogan or marketing campaign titled, "17% less judgmental".

Then, one day in January, 2008 I did something that inadvertently hurt some dear friends who were also 'movers and shakers' in Axis leadership. They didn't respond with grace. They were very angry, they felt "screwed", they lost respect for me and determined that I had no integrity. They immediately withdrew from all leadership and responsibilities. They never returned to Axis.

This isn't the place to discuss specifics, but I assure you that my actions were 1) unintentional 2) clearly hurtful to my friends and 3)not immoral or sinful in any way (no cheating, lying, stealing, immorality, fornication, etc)

(even if those people read this blog, I'm certain they would agree with what I've written)

I was caught off guard and felt like I had just been hit by a truck.

Here's what I wanted to talk to God about... here's where we catch up to me in the small cabin in Chico - trying to make sense of things.

Joe, to God: (with attitude) "What happened to "Come as you are"? What happened to Grace?"

God: Silence

Joe, to God: Is it possible to be part of a church community that really lets people come as they are without running away once they do? Is it possible to love each other even when we screw up?

God: Silence

Joe, to God: (using a whiny tone) I thought they were committed to YOU and what YOU were doing in Fresno. Why does it seem like they were committed to ME... until I proved that I'm not perfect? Sheesh - I'm SOOO FAR from perfection! I don't even think that I'm even good, let alone perfect.

I rambled about how hurt I feel personally. I ranted about the devastating effects their departure had on Axis (as a church and organizationally). After all we were so very small already!

God: Silence... and then He helps me be honest with myself.

With God's help, I am beginning to recognize something about myself that I don't like. I've noticed that I often lack the internal qualities needed while struggling with significant relationships.

Let me say that another way: I have a hard time functioning, producing, or moving forward with real-life while there are significant relational struggles.

Confession: During deep struggles with significant relationships, I tend to be emotionally unavailable to my kids. I don't call my friends. I work long hours, just because I can't focus enough to get things done in a normal amount of time. I do less helpful things around the house. I don't blog.

The Conclusion:
I can't control what happens to me. Even if I do A, B, C, correctly I'm not guaranteed that I will get perfect results.

I was reading about Moses (something I often find myself doing in times like these). One time, Aaron and Miriam "spoke against" him about his Cushite Wife (she was from Ethiopa - a black woman?). They were jealous. (Numbers 12)

Later, 250 well known community leaders began to give Moses grief. (Numbers 16)

I'm beginning to re-understand this: Even when we do it right, like Moses was doing, there's no guarantee that our significant relationships won't cause us great grief.

I cannot control the relationships around me, but I can control my response(s).

I sub-consciously thought that if we dreamt the right dream about true and real community, then we wouldn't have relationship problems. For some odd reason, I thought that if I/we taught about Grace and Forgiveness, then people would dispense both.

God, to Joe: Own your own stuff, Joe. You have alot of valid questions, but don't minimize your outward reactions and your inward responses. You are the only thing you can do something about. Your response(s) is the only thing worth working on. Lean into ME.

"The Springs Road"

The Hotel

My Letter Cabin, "K". Yes, that's how big it is.

*AXIS: Axis Community Church. We officially started meeting publicly in October of 2006. We closed the doors in the end of February of 2008.

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2008-04-19T10:29:00.001-07:00

Answering the question, "What are you doing right now?"

10:15 filed dissolution papers for axis. i supposed that's the proverbial Nail in the Coffin. feels more like a nail to the head. #
12:20 A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk I have a work station..... #
19:32 About to watch the best show on tv. Battlestar Galactica. The twelfth will b revealed tonight! #

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2008-04-18T10:38:00.001-07:00

Answering the question, "What are you doing right now?"

08:47 At Carl's Jr. inYuba City. Wow, can't believe that I used to live here. #
13:31 Made it back to Fresno. Any Jobs open up since I've been gone? It's good to be home. Worship Rehearsal tonight, then rest. #
15:06 @aronstrong may be interested... gotta get out the door right now... can i call you at the office tomorrow? #
19:30 American Idol, then bed. priorities, you know. #

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2008-04-17T10:31:00.001-07:00

Answering the question, "What are you doing right now?"

14:22 i leave chico in the morning... b back in time to run worship rehearsal in madera. i'd rather stay here longer. #

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2008-04-16T10:36:00.001-07:00

Answering the question, "What are you doing right now?"

12:06 Just gave Fred Flemming and Nalva Reed a hug. #

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2008-04-15T10:34:00.001-07:00

Answering the question, "What are you doing right now?"

21:05 Having impromtu solitude retreat... Headed to chico for prayer/seeking God time. Pray for me? In Motel 6 in Sac. now. #
06:45 77 miles from Chico, CA. Your prayers are welcome as I get away to seek God. #

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2008-04-14T10:27:00.001-07:00

08:30 Found myself at Woodward Park Bptist church this morning. I don't get many chances to choose a church to visit. #
16:15 just finished up piano lessons for a 5 year old. Have I mentioned how difficult AND rewarding that is? #
05:14 Eddie (my 3 yr. old) helped me make breakfast. #

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testing again

2008-04-14T08:32:00.001-07:00

Testing the blogger e-mail address

Joe Green

Husband, Father, Son

Axis Community Church

559.288.7643

<mailto:admin@axiscommunitychurch.com> admin@axiscommunitychurch.com

<http://www.axiscommunitychurch.com> www.axiscommunitychurch.com

2008-04-13T22:23:00.001-07:00

This is a test post from my cell phone.

--
==================================================================
This mobile text message is brought to you by AT&T

Flickr Now Does Videos

2008-04-09T09:27:00.001-07:00

Yesterday Flickr unveiled a new tier to their online sharing community -- VIDEO.

This morning the functionality to actually upload those videos magically appeared

There's some limitations -- no longer than 90 seconds or 150mb and only PRO members can upload...probably to keep the files quick and easy... they seem to include all the features that a photo has (groups, sets, comments, embedding, sizes, etc).

I'm not sure what I think... the content could be more overwhelming than it already is and I don't do much video related ... or will I?

I am curious to see how this affects Flickr community -- will it become divided into videographers and photographers? Will it be like the skiers and snowboarders going down the same run?

Another Life Update

2008-04-04T20:40:00.001-07:00

FAMILY:
Everyone is doing well... healthy. Eddie plays his first T-Ball game tomorrow morning. Nothing like 3 year olds with bats!

DEATH:
An old friend of mine died. Tragic. It was a result of brain swelling which was a result of a malfunctioning liver. I am going to Santa Rosa tomorrow (saturday) for the Memorial/Funeral. Jason Presley was amazing... he always lived life to the fullest. He will be missed. But I'm very glad he knew and followed Jesus.

JOB:
I still don't have a job. I will resume talks with People's Church (for College Pastor position) on Monday. I got a job offer for something non-ministry related, but $13 per hour doesn't feed the kids... so, doubt I will take it.

A Worship Pastor position is about a 90% possibility for me, but I REALLY don't want to work at that church.

I put in a resume at a Presbyterian Church today! If I ended up working there, then I will have gone from Assemblies of God to Southern Baptist to Presbyterian. I'd be a Penta-bapti-rian?!

If you're the praying type, would you mind praying about this for/with me? It's crunch time.

MOO CARDS:
I finally got my Moo Cards. I'm very excited. They're pretty cool. Check 'em out.

PHOTOGRAPHY:
I've sold a couple of prints. I've just added a few more florals to my online stores: Etsy Store and Imagekind.com.

Do you need anything/body photographed?

I just printed two portraits of my kids... I am going to do one of Josh soon and hang them all prominently in my house.

AMERICAN IDOL:
Here are my top 4 favorites (not in order): Jason Castro, David Cook, Brooke White, and Michael Johns. I am so very glad that Ramielle went home. I was about to pack her bags for her.

Who's your favorite?

Or are you one of those the "doesn't" watch the show?

MUSIC:
We just bought Lenny Kravitz latest CD.

AXIS:
Still makes me sad.

That's it for now... hope to see you soon.

New Flower Photos

2008-04-04T17:15:00.001-07:00

Bright Colors are everywhere in California right now!

I'm totally on a bright color "kick" right now... even wanting to exaggerate some colors!

Here's some examples of what I've been up too. These flowers are in my own back yard.

Of course these images are for purchase either Here or Here

More Birthday Shoot

2008-04-01T23:22:00.001-07:00

A few more from last weekends birthday party.

I Shot a Birthday Party

2008-03-30T22:46:00.001-07:00

My Cousin's Daughter turned 1 year old! I got to shoot the party. My eyes are blurry from going through all the pictures. It ended up being more of a 'documentary' type of a photo shoot (who was there, the cake, decorations, etc) rather than getting to spend time on capturing those perfect moments and looking at things with a 'creative' eye.

Also after going through pictures, I certainly think I could have done a better job. Next time I will know how to increase the amount of usable photos! So many trash photos - yuk!

I'll try to post some pictures after I'm done with the edits, but the above photo is a teaser. The theme was "polka dots"

I'm Back

2008-03-30T19:18:00.001-07:00

The computer's been down, but I'm back now. Didya miss me?

The Color of our Eggs

2008-03-22T20:49:00.001-07:00

We had a grand time coloring eggs today with the family... thought I share some images (you didn't think I'd be without my camera did you?). Click on the images for a larger view or click to get your to my Flickr Photo Stream.

Sarah made the above egg for Eddie (Bubba)

Hope Hearts Hearts

Even Josh participated

Eddie couldn't contain his excitement about what was going to happen

HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE! HE IS RISEN!

A Place for our Butts (and yours too if you come for a visit)

2008-03-20T12:43:00.001-07:00

This morning I built a picnic bench to go with the picnic table that I built earlier this week. The kiddos ate lunch on it today.

I feel manly.

I just thought I'd share.

Crafts Man

2008-03-19T15:09:00.001-07:00

Coffee Tastes Better Outside:
I'm determined to eat my breakfast and drink coffee outside in my backyard before it gets to be 1,000 degrees outside. So, today I built a picnic bench for my backyard.

Digital Photography School
I've used Digital Photography School (DPS) as a resource for help and interesting articles for a long time. Today I participated in my first "Weekly Assignment".

Picnic Table + DPS = The photo you see above.
The weekly assignment for DPS was "Construction". So, I had a great photo opportunity in my own back yard.

My Process:
Are you ready for me to reveal my secrets? I had NO IDEA of what I wanted; no clue of what would make a good 'construction' photo. So, I just started taking pictures. I took approximately 50 shots. I was looking for some spark, some inspiration... it wasn't coming to me.

I walked all around my work bench and took photos from above, from below, I whipped out the wide-angle and nothing looked promising until I got the bright Idea to pull out the macro lens. Ah ha! The Macro provided that "something" that I was looking for.

The only thing that I did to this photo in photoshop was to use "auto adjust" on the levels and I cropped it at 5x7 inches.

I liked the colors right out of the camera.

I don't think this is particularly an outstanding photo. It looks like it should be in a Craftsman Catalog or something (which isn't necessarily a bad thing). One thing I don't like about it is all the space in the upper right side of the image.

Anyway, it turned out much better than my "Class with Dave and Dave" assignment that was due today.

Check it out here.

Life: An Update

2008-03-17T19:06:00.000-07:00

EMPLOYMENT:
As you may know, I'm looking for a Jay-Oh-Bee (job).

The job that I want is here. It's for a College Pastor Position. (Terrible website for such a big church!)
Also, I'm pretty sure I can take a job as the Worship Pastor here. I've led worship here a couple of times now and I'm pretty sure they'd give me the job if I want it. (one problem is that it doesn't pay very much)

So, it's decision time. I think I may put off any decisions until after Easter.

EDDIE:
I signed him up for T-ball! Can you imagine 3 year olds playing T-ball?!

NEW BLOG:
I'm contemplating a foray into Photography as a source of income - freelance, of course. So, I started a photo blog. Check it out here.

HORTON HEARS A WHO:
Sarah and I took Eddie and Hope to see this movie today. It rocked. period.

I was pretty sure that I would enjoy it, but I was shocked at how much I actually liked it! Besides the voices being stellar, and the animation was amazing... the story was profound. I won't bore you with why I found it to be profound. It should suffice to say that my faith was strengthened by the time the movie was over.

Seeing the movie and finding God's imprint in it was my favorite divine moment today.

Breakfast with Eddie

2008-03-11T23:22:00.001-07:00

Sarah drove Hope to school. That left Eddie and I alone at the table. We ate our oatmeal and we talked about sugar, camping in the summer and his Batman Suit.

Then we talked about camping in the summer with his Batman Suit.

There aren't many things in life greater than a Dad and Son in their pajamas eating oatmeal, talking about superheros and the great outdoors.

1. I'm thankful for unscripted moments with my children.
2. The morning sun on my kitchen table
3. Sugar.
4. God's divine imprint on my son's life. Created in HIS image.

Testing

2008-03-11T11:27:00.000-07:00

This is a test post.

note to self: Test successful.