Spiritual Formation 3

WHAT: I am taking a class in Seminary called “Spiritual Formation”. One assignment is to write about a page worth of thoughts that interact with content of each lecture and readings or somehow connect with my own spiritual formation. It’s meant to be more introspective than scholastic.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Of the variety of things that we read this week, my mind keeps coming back to two things which I expect will comprise the entirety of this journal entry.

THE FIRST has to do with prayer; I have been reading about prayer from a wide variety of people and time periods. I've always valued prayer as a spontaneous activity. I value that at any time and any place I can talk to God about what I want. I like that I don't have to have the 'perfect' words in order that God will hear me or understand me. I know that God sees my heart and that on a certain level the words that I use don't even matter that much! I love this about God.

A passionate, unplanned, and unrehearsed prayer has always been a very beautiful thing to me. As I think about it, I think I've viewed many of the Psalms to be like this.

I was reading some of the work of Evelyn Underhill and she suggested that we stop and make preparations to pray. She suggests that we craft and plan out our prayers. I've always been very resistant to this. I've never really like reading the prayers of the church fathers or anyone for that matter (unless it was found in the bible). I haven't put much thought into my reasons for the resistance, but I think that somewhere in the back of my mind I've thought that once a prayer has been prayed, it loses a little bit of its potency or something. A prayer that was written down lacked the spontaneous, from-the-heart feel to it. In the same vein, I've never really liked the idea of either writing down my prayers or planning them out in advance, but today I think I may see the value in that sort of thing.

After all, we carefully plan the songs that we write for God, can't we do the same for our prayers? Are songs and prayers really that different?

Underhill suggests that planning out our prayers (not all of them) engage our intellect. It helps us to think about what we want to say, ask or declare in a way that will ultimately enhance the experience. So, I think to engage something new in my spiritual formation, I will spend time thinking through and writing out a prayer. I will take some time to consciously avoid the passionate, unplanned, and unrehearsed prayer in favor of a passionate, intelligent, well-thought out prayer. Additionally, I will write one down.

SECOND: One of our readings was some writings of Soren Kierkegaard. We read a collection of prayers (see above about my previous distaste for written prayers). In one of the prayers he asks God to not be patient in light of his mankind's childish behavior. He went on to talk about gratitude and about how we don't really have adequate words to be genuinely thankful… then he likened us to that of a mistaken child who is only grateful when he gets his own way.

I have a teenage son and I've been thinking a lot lately about his lack of gratitude… which I think is a serious problem for him. He is quick to be grateful for rides here and there. He almost always shows gratitude for food. But I've been thinking about his lack of gratitude for bigger things that people do for him.

In light of my negative assessment of my sons gratitude muscles, the Kiergegaard statement had a sting to my own heart...I read that statement from Kierkegaard as if I am childish in my gratitude. I think that I am that "mistaken child" who is often only grateful when I get my way. In one sense, a person SHOULD be grateful for things that go their way, but my gratitude muscles have failed to acknowledge the source (God) in a meaningful way.

Follow me here: I am very happy that I have a place to live right now. I truly am grateful that I live with my parents and my family isn't out on the streets trying to survive. I am really, really, heart-felt grateful for this!! I have even thanked God for this – multiple times. But I feel like I've not entered a higher level in my gratitude. I have been thankful that I've gotten 'my way' – a place to live. What I haven't been thankful for is that I've gotten God's way. There are deeper layers of gratitude that I haven't tapped into in a long time. I may have thanked God for supplying my needs, but I've stopped short of thanking God for keeping me in HIS plan; for leading me to something that He wants. One level (on which I've been stuck) has me being thankful for what feels comfortable or what keeps me from feeling too awkward, this level of gratitude is based on myself, my personal comforts. On another level, I've not connected with the big picture of God who is getting what He wants, which in turn benefits me much more deeply than personal comforts.

So, I think my son should be thankful that he gets to live at home (the lower level of gratitude), but I also think that He should be thankful that I've saved him from some incredibly serious heartache and pain as he did something that I wanted (the higher level). And it's not just that living at home is what I want in some narcissistic-power-hungry sort of way, but because I absolutely know beyond a shadow of a doubt that following my plan in this situation is the absolute best possible thing for him. So, just as he should be grateful that I 'got' my way in his life; In the same exact way, I should be grateful that God gets his way in my life… and I should not like a mistaken child who is only thankful when he gets his own way.

Spritual Formation - 2

WHAT: I am taking a class in Seminary called “Spiritual Formation”. One assignment is to write about a page worth of thoughts that interact with content of each lecture and readings or somehow connect with my own spiritual formation. It’s meant to be more introspective than scholastic.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

One of my assigned readings is from a book called, SACRED TRAVELS by Christian George. The section that I read had to do with the use of Pilgrimage and Rest as a tool for Spiritual Formation. If I’m honest, I got restless, irritable and mildly jealous as I read. Apparently I have Spiritual forming to do! The author said all kinds of wonderful things about the benefits of Pilgrimage. About how a soul can benefit from time away from a normal, hectic, draining existence to rediscover faith, love, and to be in a better frame of mind to respond to what God wants to do deep in a soul. He described his journey to Skellig Michael and the wonderful things that God did for him there. Call me Pathetic Joe, because although I appreciated his story, I was fixated on how impossible a Pilgrimage would be for me now or in the near future. I kept wondering about the practical aspects of time, kids, and finances; how to poor people do a Pilgrimage? Are they reserved for the wealthy?

I was slightly encouraged as the author talked of some thoughts he had as he was ascending the 1,230 feet to Wartburg Castle. I related very well as he wrote,

"I questioned my Christianity... What if I woke up one morning and everything I'd placed my hope in had been proved false? Was I on track with God? Could I feel confident in my salvation?"

Martin Luther once had a “friend” who kidnapped him and brought him, blindfolded, to this Castle. It was here that Martin Luther may have done the most significant work of his life as finished his translation of the Bible so that every German could read it for themselves. But it was also here that Martin Luther fought the Devil. It was here that he dealt with very deep and dark depression. Although, I am no Martin Luther, I am in a pretty dark, depressing place in my life. So, maybe, hopefully, this is part of my Pilgrimage; a free Pilgrimage, because I can’t pay for elaborate trips to Monasteries in Ireland or famous Castles in Germany. This is where I’m at right now, in Fresno. Woot. Woot.

Have you ever heard of “The Dark Night of the Soul”? My assigned readings took me to an excerpt from some great writing by John of the Cross. If you can’t tell from my writings, I am currently in a pretty dark place. I have a bunch of “why?” kind of questions. My Hope is still firmly in Christ, but if I’m honest, He seems really far away right now. The monk known as John of the Cross says that people who follow God will often be taken, by Him, to a deeper, “more advanced” stage in his/her spiritual life. He calls this stage, “The Dark Night”. He suggests that a person will, “lose all the pleasure that they once experienced in their devotional life”. He talks about 7 sins that God will address during this difficult period. One that stuck out to me was Pride: He speaks of it in the sense of “spiritual pride”. The part that stuck out to me was when John talks of how this person should learn humility; they will learn to think very little of themselves or their religious works. Well, that’s me; I just have a hard time spinning it as positively as John. I currently have a pretty small opinion of myself or my abilities as a pastor or a Christian. To summarize the results of this “Dark Night”, he says this,

“…pride becomes humility, greed becomes simplicity, wrath becomes contentment, luxury becomes peace, gluttony becomes moderation, envy becomes joy, and sloth becomes strength.”

Each one of those pairs has become incredibly significant to me. I relate.

In my estimation, my current spiritual formation has me in something very similar to this “Dark Night”. And in my estimation, it will probably get darker before it’s over. But somehow that doesn’t depress me.

Koran burning is stupid. Flood Relief is not stupid.

|Koran Burning| -99 life.

|Helping flood victims in Pakistan| +99 intelligence.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Let's say this together, out loud.

BURNING THE KORAN IS STUPID

I'm so grateful for a nation that values freedom of religion. I'm glad that it's not illegal to burn the Koran, but let's be honest, it's not a smart thing to do. So, maybe I should also acknowledge that freedom of religion and freedom of speech leaves room for the freedom to act stupidly.

As much as it's possible, I would like to distance myself from that church in Florida which plans to burn the Koran on September 11, 2010. I am a Christian, but I do not wish to be associated with those people who also call themselves Christians. I fear that there are millions of people in the world who would not be able to separated my Christianity from the Koran-burning-type of Christianity.

But in an attempt to separate myself, I would like to offer up a Koran Burning Alternative (heretofore known as KBA).

My friend Lucinda has created a group and a method to support flood relief in Pakistan. Keep in mind that Pakistan is an Islamic nation. Yes. Send money to this Islamic nation.

In the words of Lucinda:

" We can help individuals regain homes and livelihoods, give food and clean water and prevent the deaths of countless children. How? Simply by giving up what we might spend on Starbucks for the week, or the cost of a movie ticket. "

Testing my Prayers

i often wonder
how much i could say in a place
like this without sounding
more pathetic than i really am.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

I used to say a prayer that went something like this:

Dear God,

If you never did anything else for me for the rest of my life, I would still serve, love and follow you with all of my heart because of all that you've done for me this far.

I think God is testing me on this.

Spiritual Formation - a Self-Evaluation

SEMINARY ASSIGNMENT: In addition to weekly reflection papers loosely based on in-class lectures (see previous post), we've also been assigned a 3 page Self Evaluation of our current practices that nurture our relationship with God. The following is my paper. It's meant to be a personal/reflection type paper, very non-academic.

I’m currently in the Sierra Nevada Mountains, as requested by the instructions in the assignment; to spend some time in prayer where it’s quiet. I found a moderately quiet stream to sit near and throw rocks in. As requested, I came here to make a serious assessment of myself. I totally see the benefits of asking God to give me insight into my present condition as it relates to my relationship with Him and spiritual disciplines. In addition to the benefits, I also feel/felt very apprehensive about the task. The apprehension comes from the fact that I am certain that I will get a failing grade. It’s hard enough that I know I will give myself a failing grade, but the thought of sitting quietly before God to listen to Him point out my lack does not sound very appealing. It actually scares me.

Now, I’m sitting at a Starbucks to jot down my thoughts about my prayer time by the streem. I won’t lie. I felt guilty. I clearly have not been doing a consistently good job when it comes any practice that builds my relationship with God. I took some time to beat myself up. I wasn’t very lenient. I told myself that my behavior was unacceptable. My mind played back the scenes of every preacher and wise person who’s told me about the importance of prayer, worship, fasting, scripture reading and so forth. I should have listened to them! I wasn’t very nice to myself. I called myself some bad names. My opinion of me was low. Very low.

What did God think? Well, at first, I was very hesitant to give God any space to talk to me. For quite awhile I half talked down to myself while half talking so that God would hear me. Then I moved into a time where I simply told Him what I thought of my lack of discipline in areas that I know are beneficial to my life and our future. I talked a lot, sometimes out loud, in such a way that I wouldn’t allow any space in my sentences for God to interject or say anything. I talked and talked to God, knowing that if I gave Him any room to speak He would talk down to me and agree with all that I already know to be true. I kept talking about myself until I began to hear myself sound more pathetic than I actually felt. Too much talking about oneself is pathetic.

I’m not, generally, one of those people who wrestle with whether or not he/she does enough to please God. I view myself as one of those people who values relationships over activities/doing/tasks. So, when it comes to a neglected relationship with God, I am very aware when I’ve not lived up to my part of the relationship. Over the last year I’ve really done a poor job of doing the things in life that I know nurture my relationship with God. Truthfully, there have been several times in recent memory when I’ve wondered if God has given up on me, but that may be for a different reflection paper.

Finally, I decided to accept my fate before God and I tried to be quiet enough to listen. After about 4 seconds I started thinking about 20 things that I still had to do once I got home. I realized that I was allowing more noise in my mind and heart that could easily drown out anything that God would want to say and I realized that this has become quite the habit for me lately. I began to realize that I hadn’t been silent in a long time. Oh, I’ve been quiet on the outside, but really noisy on the inside. I realized that I’ve neglected the internal muscles needed to be silent enough before God to actually hear what He might be saying. As I was having this internal conversation with myself I realized that I still wasn’t being silent. Even though I was contemplating something in my life that is good to contemplate, I still hadn’t been silent. That has been a problem for me lately. So, I tried again… and literally 30 seconds later my mind was racing with thoughts of “this” and “that”. So, I tried again. This time I was silent enough to feel like God spoke to me saying, “I like confession”. Whoa! That was something! I quickly began to talk to myself about all that could mean to me. It took me quite awhile to realize how quickly I had stopped listening and how quickly I began to talk to myself about all my ideas about the significance of that statement. I even began to figure out how I might tell this story in a sermon someday. But, I had stopped listening. Listening is vital to a relationship. So, I confessed that I had stopped listening. God likes confession.

My time by the stream came to an end without much further progress. The only other thing that I could settle down enough to hear from God was the idea that repentance should be my next step. And since my understanding of repentance is not something that could be done by the stream, I drove to Starbucks to write this paper. This paper is a confession. What I intend to do after this paper is called repentance. My intent is to change the direction in which I have been headed. It was direction that was away from most of the practices that nurture my relationship with God. I know myself well enough to know that I shouldn’t make any grandiose promises about how I will pray for 3 hours every day after reading the scriptures for 2 hours. I’ve simply set my heart to “do better”. I simply am committed to going a different direction. I’ve not set goals other than that.

I can’t remember the last time that I sat down at the piano or with my guitar simply to sing a song to God. I may do that again. I may pray tonight and try not to do all the talking. The next time I read the scriptures (even if it’s for school), I may try to actually apply it to my life rather than only think of how I could teach it to people someday. I haven’t prayed with my wife in a long time; I should do that. Regardless of what activity I choose, it will be chosen by a person who’s going a new direction. I want my life to be centered around Jesus. The apostle Paul said that he wants to know Christ and the power of His resurrection. Well, me too. I want to know the power of His resurrection, because I have plenty of dead parts that need new life.

Spiritual Formation: 1

WHAT: I am taking a class in Seminary called "Spiritual Formation". One assignment is to write a page, weekly, about my thoughts that interact with content of the lecture or somehow connect with my own spiritual formation.

HOPES: I think that theology is best formed in community. I think that interaction plays a positive role as people form thoughts about Christianity, God, and our personal goals. Maybe my spiritual formation would be slightly better if there were some sort of feedback, pushback and/or discussion in a place like this?

What is spiritual formation? As I sit here and type I actually wonder if there really is such a thing as spiritual formation. I think I know what people mean when they say that; I think they mean that (as Christians) a primary goal is to change our spiritual parts (whatever those are!) from one thing into a better thing. I think people mean to say that spiritual formation is the process of transformation from an old (lesser) way of ordering our lives into a more holy way of living.

My current critique of the phrase, "spiritual formation" has to do with wondering whether or not we can actually separate our "spiritual" lives from the rest of our lives in order to form (or transform) it into something new/better. So, dealing with semantics first, I'd say that "spiritual" formation is a misnomer. I don't think that the New Testament or the Old Testament ever present us with the option to work on our "spiritual" lives as if it could be separated from the rest of us. I can't recall any concepts in the bible that come close to "spiritual formation" I think the bible is always interested in a persons "formation", period.

Even if a person could separate the spiritual from the rest of life it would still beg the question, "why?" Why would we want to grow spiritually, but not intellectually, emotionally or theologically?

It's my current opinion that anytime I become better at something, my entire holistic self benefits. If I become a better writer, I become better as a whole person. If I learn theological truths, my whole person is enriched. If my guitar skills improve, my whole self improves. I may wear different hats, but I'm only one person. I am unsure that there is much wisdom in trying to compartmentalize ourselves into our "spiritual" lives, into our "family lives", "secular lives", or any other life.

I would like to change the name of my class to, "Formation". Or maybe I'd rather "Godly Formation", or "Christian Formation".

But, one thing that I'm certain of: I need to be transformed. I want to be transformed. I want to be made into something better. I want my normal responses to life-situations to become more Christ-like than they are now.

My View of the Nature of The Bible

I am considering a return to the blog-o-sphere.

Without much explanation as to why I am posting this particular piece of work, You should know that the following is a paper that I've written for one of my seminary classes. The Teacher, Dr. Shera Melick asked us to write a paper describing our view of the nature of the bible. We were to incorporate 4 things that were discussed in our readings and in our lecture: Revelation, Inspiration, Inerrancy, Authority

As teachers of the Bible, a solid understanding of the Nature of the Bible is critical. I have certainly formed some views on the matter which I will summarize, but I find it important to admit that I have questions and I am still learning about many details that lead me to believe what I believe. In other words, my view of the bible’s nature includes an admission that God can be mysterious, I don’t know everything and that faith is important.

As I try to communicate the God of the bible to those around me, I can point out glimpses of God’s work in the world around us. With broad strokes, God has always revealed himself in creation. From miniscule strands of DNA to the mind-boggling expanse of the Universe, humanity can be certain that there is an intelligent, powerful God responsible. Romans chapter 1 speaks of this. The same chapter also indicates that humanity has been given sufficient knowledge of right and wrong, good and bad which also leads us to a general revelation of God.

Beyond making Himself known with broad-stroked, generalities, God always seeks to communicate to mankind with specific revelations. Miracles, for example, have always served God’s purpose to reveal Himself to specific people at specific points in history. Although there is value in the retelling of miracles, the value is limited in the sense that I, personally, am impacted less than the specific people involved in the miracle.

God has also chosen to specially reveal himself to mankind through the Bible. I’m convinced that God has inspired the authors of scripture to pass on their stories, songs, poems, accounts, and responses to form an authoritative collection by which we can base our lives. Found within these inspired narratives, I discover the most amazing specific revelation of God Himself – Jesus Christ. In Jesus I discover humanity’s road to God Himself. Jesus is so incredibly important to mankind, that without him, we are doomed to eternity spent apart from God.

As I wrestle with defining my view of the bible’s nature, I tend to lean more towards a narrative view of the bible versus a systematic view. Although universal truths can be systematically pulled out of these stories, the scriptures are nonetheless a narrative from which we derive our theology. My view of the bible isn’t one that asserts there are lists and bullet points that neatly describe the correct orthodoxy and orthopraxy.

Furthermore, as I learn about God’s general and specific revelations of Himself, I discover that none of these revelations are contradictory. Throughout thousands of years, revelations of God always compliment and build upon each other to help us form a more complete understanding of God’s nature.

Throughout my years as a believer and bible teacher, I’ve come to a firm belief that God has inspired the scriptures; therefore I can certainly conclude that the Bible is not flawed.

The Bible has a fascinating unchanging nature. For thousands of years, the Bible is what it is. It doesn’t change, but we can allow it to change us.

My faith in God and his mysterious breath of inspiration found in the scriptures gives me confidence that I can partner with God in His plan to save, repair and restore humanity.